Australians are a flock of flaming Galahs with a satirical and ironic sense of humor, but we find none of the following phrases amusing. These are the ten things you should never say to an Australian, from shrimps on the barbecue to insulting our national sport and favorite breakfast food.
Add another shrimp to the grill.
Before Tourism Australia’s disastrous “where the bloody hell are you?” campaign, Paul Hogan was chosen to deliver the line “slip an extra shrimp on the barbie for you” in their 1984 tourist advertisement. Except for the fact that Australians don’t use the word shrimp – we call them prawns – this quote would be utterly quintessentially Australian.
Dingo ate my baby
Australians are known for their irreverent sense of humor, but we will not tolerate this. When her daughter Azaria was abducted by a dingo while on vacation in Uluru, Lindy Chamberlain is credited with coining the phrase. It is incredibly insensitive to say this to anyone given that a baby died on that night in 1980.
Vegemite is disgusting
How dare you! Vegemite is a delicacy, and like all delicacies, less is more when it comes to consumption. It should not be consumed by the spoonful, nor should it be spread on toast like butter or jam. If you adhere to these simple guidelines, you too can be a Happy Little Vegemite, as our unofficial national anthem proclaims. In addition, as one of the richest sources of vitamin B, there is much to be thankful for. Even Miley Cyrus, who has a vegemite jar tattoo, is a fan.
What is the difference between New Zealand and Australia?
Australia and New Zealand are two very different places separated by over 2,000 kilometers; comparing the two is equivalent to believing that the United States and Canada are identical. In addition to the distance and the fact that they are two separate countries, each has its own distinct culture and geography. Although our flags are similar, each nation has its own unique identity.
Fosters is the best beer in the world, bar none.
You’ve clearly never tried Carlton Draught. While Fosters is an Australian brand, it’s not the beer of choice for Aussies and is much more popular with the British. Fosters is not even among our top ten favorite beers. To drink like an authentic Australian, choose Victoria Bitter or, even better, support a local microbrewery.
I detest AFL
Sport is a significant part of Australian culture, and AFL is our national game, so while it’s not illegal to dislike Australian football, it’s best to keep your opinions to yourself. AFL has the fourth highest attendance of any professional sport, and the Friday before the Grand Final is celebrated in Victoria with a public holiday and parade.
You mean Jenner when you say Kylie, right?
As far as any Australian is concerned, there is only one Kylie, and she does not sell overpriced lipstick. The undisputed Princess of Pop is a cultural icon, from Scott and Charlene’s wedding on Neighbours to her extraordinarily successful music career.
America’s coffee is superior.
You’re kidding, right? Why order a triple venti soy latte with extra whip and caramel drizzle if all you receive is dishwater? In Australia, coffee is an art form, and our baristas, particularly in Melbourne, are highly trained. Australians take their coffee seriously, with menus that include pour over, aeropress, cold drip, and cappuccino options.
I don’t like slang
Unfortunately, you are currently in Australia, where everything is abbreviated. The rule of thumb is that any proper noun with three syllables will have a shortened alternative; for example, McDonald’s becomes Maccas. Also, in order to confuse foreigners, we have a lengthy list of meaningless words and use offensive language to describe our friends. As an example of a typical sentence, consider the following traffic report: “Had an accident in Broady. Due to the presence of Towies, it is crowded in that direction.”
They are known as flip-flops.
The answer is no! They are known as thongs and are a summer wardrobe essential. The term flip-flops makes no sense whatsoever. They are not crabby patties, as they cannot be worn in two ways. Admit it, the term is absurd, and the world should adopt our term immediately.
Topic: 10 Things You Should Never Say to an Australian
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