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You’re Only a True Australia Expert if You’ve Done These 12 Things

Alethea Dilys by Alethea Dilys
May 18, 2023
in Australia
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Tourists cuddle koalas. True Aussies do not. Read on for additional government-sanctioned, 100% authentic requirements for becoming a genuine Australia expert.

Requested a flat white.

While traditionalists sipped espressos and Starbucks patrons sipped frappuccinos, Australians were brewing flat whites. Not quite a latte, but close. For a very long time, it was only available in Australia.

You're Only a True Australia Expert if You've Done These 12 Things
Flat white | © Flickr / Asim Ihsan

Captured a yabby

When you go “out bush” with an Australian, as soon as you approach a creek, they will demonstrate how to construct a yabby trap. Even a bundle of sticks will suffice in a pinch, and with them you will soon be feasting on Australia’s smaller but equally delectable lobster variant.

You're Only a True Australia Expert if You've Done These 12 ThingsLocated front

Why leave your taxi or Uber driver alone in the front seat when you wouldn’t do the same to a friend? Simply advance forward.

You're Only a True Australia Expert if You've Done These 12 ThingsAustralian flag was worn

Whether it’s board shorts, thongs, or a hat, every true Australian has owned at least one item of clothing with the Australian flag on it (even if it was just a gag gift at a work Christmas party). On special occasions, you can even dispense with a shirt and drape the flag over your shoulders.

You're Only a True Australia Expert if You've Done These 12 ThingsChristmastime humidity

Australians spend Christmas sweating through their shirts rather than dashing through the snow. The heat makes it difficult to manage a traditional roast, but you’ll soon realize that cold leg ham, fresh prawns, and homemade pav make a far superior Christmas dinner.

You're Only a True Australia Expert if You've Done These 12 Things
Christmas pavlova | © Flickr / Natasha d.H

formed an opinion regarding regional beer

Regardless of where you reside in this great nation, you must decide for yourself whether Queensland’s XXXX (also known as “four X”) or Victoria’s VB is the superior beer. Caution: You run the risk of deportation if you claim they both taste terrible.

You're Only a True Australia Expert if You've Done These 12 ThingsCooked a barbecue

To be a true mate, you must invite your friends over and barbecue some sausages and steak for them. They will tell you you’re doing it incorrectly, but this is a time-honored custom.

You're Only a True Australia Expert if You've Done These 12 ThingsUrinate on a sting

When you spend as much time in the ocean as Australians do, the odds are against you; eventually, you will be stung by a jellyfish or bluebottle. While lifeguards recommend vinegar as the official cure, you are more likely to have a full bladder than a bottle of vinegar on hand. A small amount of urine will replace the burning sensation caused by the sting with the burning sensation associated with shame.

You're Only a True Australia Expert if You've Done These 12 Things
Blue bottle | © Flickr / Thomas Williams

Called a friend a derogatory term.

In Australia, almost anyone can be your friend, regardless of whether or not you know them. We demonstrate to our true friends just how much they mean to us by using some of the most vulgar terms in the English language.

You're Only a True Australia Expert if You've Done These 12 ThingsI fell over a snake.

While there aren’t kangaroos in every backyard or sharks in every body of water, the snake stereotype is fairly accurate. You will inevitably encounter a snake slithering across your path, lounging on your window sill, coiled by your pool, or in any of a thousand other snake-friendly locations. Just keep an eye out.

You're Only a True Australia Expert if You've Done These 12 ThingsEnjoyed an egg and beetroot burger.

You have not lived until you’ve tasted a burger with beetroot and egg added to it. Points added if purchased from a fish and chip shop.

You're Only a True Australia Expert if You've Done These 12 Things
Egg and beetroot burger | © Flickr / Alpha

He called in sick.

If the weather is perfect when you wake up in the morning, you have every right to take the day off from work to do whatever you please; going to the beach or watching cricket are popular options. The trick is to contact your supervisor and inform them that you are gravely ill. Australian rules of etiquette prevent them from stating that you are in excellent physical condition.

You're Only a True Australia Expert if You've Done These 12 Things

Topic: You’re Only a True Australia Expert if You’ve Done These 12 Things

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